A Thank You Letter To My Haters

Posted on March 29th, 2013 by kimanzi constable

Oh yes, I can clearly remember the first time I got hated on, it still stings! As you can see from the screenshot, that person really didn’t like my writing, whoops!

Screen Shot 2013-03-27 at 5.42.24 PM

Click on the pic to enlarge

The first time I read this review it was like World War 3 in my mind, I think I even screamed out loud! After the initial anger I got depressed, how could someone say that about something I poured my heart into?

As I thought about it more, I really started to believe the review, it really feed into the doubts I had in the back of my mind. We all know those doubts are always there lurking at the surface, this negative review was just what my doubt needed to bring it all out.

Since this first negative review I have accumulated a few more haters and they love to tell me how much I stink. I get a few emails a week from haters calling me names and putting my work down.

I have pushed forward and learned a few lessons that I want to share with you today because you will come across haters as you chase your dreams. Rest assured that as you make progress on your dreams, the haters will come out of the woodwork!

You are better than what they tell you

As we chase our dreams and change our lives, all of our doubts and fears will surface like crazy and we tend to believe them. The haters will feed on that and confirm what the doubts are telling you.

Here’s the thing though: they’re WRONG! You are great, you’re amazing, you’re one of a kind and the only YOU in the world. The things that the haters are telling you just aren’t true.

Now understand something, not everyone will agree with you and your message, I get that. When I saw haters I’m talking about the ones that go out of their way to be a poopy head (yes I used that word). 

You can’t listen to the haters because you just don’t have the time, you’re going to change this world if you keep pushing forward with those dreams.

If you listen, your dreams die

You know this but when you give into the haters, you get depressed and your dreams take a back seat. Even if you still work on your dream it’s just not the same, you lose some of that fire.

All you can do is do the best job you can and give your dreams everything you’ve got. If you have done that, then there is nothing a hater can say to you that should matter to you.

Realize that they will always be there just like your doubts but you can’t give in because your dreams are far too important.

My thank you letter

Dear Haters,

Thank you so much for your words, they were the motivation I needed to work even harder. When I read them, I knew I would prove you wrong if I gave it my all, so that’s what I did.

I realize putting others down makes you feel better but we have enough of that in the world already, how about giving it a rest? You’ll never get to me, I’ll never listen to you, my dreams are far too important then a few unkind words.

I stand here now fully living my life and my dreams and I owe part of it to you, so thank you. I will pray that one day you’ll see what I’ve done is totally possible for you too.

With all my gratefulness,

Kimanzi Constable

Try it

You may not be all the way there in your journey but I suggest you write a letter to your haters, why not even do it this weekend?

Writing a letter like this is fun but it will clearly helps you identify all the areas of doubt that a hater or yourself might prey on. It will give you some extra motivation to keep pushing forward.

You can frame it somewhere and keep it until that day when you’e fully living out your dream. Post it on your website then :)

Do you have any haters? What would YOU say to them?

  • http://www.jmlalonde.com Joe Lalonde

    Thankfully I haven’t had any haters for my writing but I’m sure they’re out there. There have been haters on my life before. They’re tough to deal with. Eventually I’ve learned to ignore them and move on. Not worth the time and hassle of buying into the lie a few tell.

    • http://kimanziconstable.com/ kimanzi constable

      That’s a good way to handle it Joe and good practice for when you will deal with more!

  • http://www.alanamokma.com/ Alana Mokma

    This post made me think of Taylor Swift’s song “Mean.” It has great lyrics and speaks directly to the haters. :) http://youtu.be/9SDXBz-T4HE

    I personally have even been sidetracked from well-meaning friends. If they don’t get what I am doing or why I am doing it, they want to help and step in. It makes me second-guess the actions I am taking, even when sometimes in the end, they were the best decisions for me.

    • http://kimanziconstable.com/ kimanzi constable

      That’s a very good point. I have been there too and it hurts even more when it comes from friends.

  • Dagny Kight

    I saw the title in my inbox and I thought “Oh no, he didn’t really do this!” Kimanzi, you can’t possibly have thought you’d never get negative reviews for your writing! THAT’S PART OF BEING A WRITER! There’s no reason to even HAVE this discussion of “haters” because they come with the territory!! And don’t get to thinking it’s their problem. They probably really DO think you’re untalented. Put a spotlight on negative reviews with blog posts like this and some people will dismiss you for this alone. Face it, “Tales” WAS filled with typos and grammatical errors because of that “editor” who ripped you off. Flaws like that will make some people dismiss any piece of writing completely.

    Maybe you’re too used to every blog post you write being a love fest of effusively complimentary comments. Writers do not have “haters.” Writers have people who appreciate, understand, and connect with their work and people who don’t. And very often from a structural and stylistic standpoint, critique makes your work better.

    • http://kimanziconstable.com/ kimanzi constable

      We’re going to have to agree to disagree. This review was from 2011 and it wasn’t for Tales. This post is not about writing or necessarily for writers. This is to help those who are just starting to chase their dreams and could get side tracked or even give up by dealing with a hater. My goal with this post and my writing is to help give people the tools they need to make their dreams a reality. Thanks for your thoughts.

      • Dagny Kight

        Everywhere on the Internet asks for our opinions now so that “hater” as you’ve called him posted his opinion of you and then promptly forgot about you a long, long time ago. You never mattered much to him in the first place. But if by some crazy chance he sees this blog post of yours, he will laugh his ass off and maybe even brag to people about how all this time later, he got to you so bad you’re STILL trying to process your way through it.

  • http://www.lincolnparks.com/ Lincoln Parks

    Oh man, I know exactly what you are talking about. This is definitely going to happen when you are sharing a great message I know. The thing about it is most of the individuals that don’t get your message just don’t and they won’t probably its not for them. I would like to think that everyone would like what I do, but I would be sadly mistaken. People will find out message that want to connect and hate. We just have to be prepared.

    • http://kimanziconstable.com/ kimanzi constable

      That’s right Lincoln, as long as it sticks with our target audience, I hope this post helps!

  • Bernard Haynes

    I learned several years ago that you can’t allow the negative commentary of a few people distract you from your assignment. We sometimes focus on the one negative comment rather than looking at 100 positive comments. I have a tendency to focus on the small percentage of negative comments. The higher you go the more haters there will be. If you need a good reference think about Jesus. But, in the end and we will celebrate on Sunday, He got up. Keep moving in the direction of your assignment and let the doubters doubt and the haters hate.

    • http://kimanziconstable.com/ kimanzi constable

      That is good advice Bernard. I think our human nature kicks in and we just can’t help it but we must!

  • http://intentionaltoday.com/ Ngina Otiende

    oh man, that was nasty :). Good for you to keep moving on. I believe one of greatest gift we can give ourselves is learning how to move against the tide. Like you mentioned in the other post, just learn how to process the emotions AND then move on. Easier said than done of course. I tend to wallow and percolate on the negative too long. But as Bernard said, Sunday does come :) .

    • http://kimanziconstable.com/ kimanzi constable

      Thanks for the kind words Ngina. In 2012 this was a big deal, now I just laugh :)

  • http://www.ryanridgway.com/ Ryan Ridgway

    I greatly look forward to the day I can make a public declaration to my haters. ( I was thinking about creating a Facebook update and tagging all of them in the post, haha).

    Regardless, great post as always Kimanzi! Always inspiring others to live their dreams.

    To anyone reading my comment, just remember that your biggest hater is often times yourself! For the sake of your mental freedom, let it be someone else! :)

    – Ridg

    • http://kimanziconstable.com/ kimanzi constable

      Ha, Ha Ryan! Thank you so much for adding that, I hope people read that comment and understand.

  • http://danblackonleadership.com/ Dan Black

    I have not had too many haters as it relates to my writing and social media interactions. I’m sure that will change as my online platform grows and expands. I think focusing on our fans and the people who enjoy what we are doing is so essential. Great post!!!

    • http://kimanziconstable.com/ kimanzi constable

      Very good points Dan. My hope with this post is that it will help you be prepared to deal with them.

  • http://tcavey.blogspot.com/ TCAvey

    WOW, those were harsh words. Thanks for sharing this experience. It’s not something we like to acknowledge or experience…but if we are putting ourselves out there it’s bound to come our way. We can’t please everyone…but really the only one worth making sure we please is God.

    Keep up the good work and know your voice is making a POSITIVE difference in lives.

    • http://kimanziconstable.com/ kimanzi constable

      Thanks TC and what a great truth!

  • Jane Bluestein

    The Internet has given people a pass to be cruel and judgmental, offering a distance that supports a kind-of gladiator mentality where they feel entitled to say whatever they want. Ugh! I know this one. Specific, negative feedback is useful. It helps us get better. We learn where we need disclaimers or documentation or examples. We learn from editors. We learn where we’re not being clear. But this is neither specific nor useful, and sometimes we learn from messages like these that people just don’t get us. Their feedback, like in this example, says absolutely nothing of value. You got to “they’re wrong” faster than I did at first, but sometimes that’s the truth. Ex: I’ve gotten hate mail from people who objected to my stance against corporal punishment in school. (Still do, actually.) But I know there are better ways so I’m stickin’ to my story. I’m sorry you went through this and I know how it can trigger self-doubt, shame, whatever. But you processed through this REALLY quickly and moved onto, “NEXT!” beautifully. Congratulations. PS. If something is especially toxic (like this one), I have found that it can help to actually print it out, rip it up, and then burn it. Flush the ashes down the toilet (where they belong). It’s a good way to cleanse the hateful energy. Trust me.

    • http://kimanziconstable.com/ kimanzi constable

      This comment is gold Jane. I hope everyone reads it, very good points!

  • http://www.liveitforward.com/ Kent Julian

    Keep living it forward, Kimanzi. The more you do, the more you show up and shine!

    Also, never be afraid of listening to those who give honest critique and feedback, but always ignore those who delight in sharp criticism. The first truly desire to build others up; the second simply seeks to tear others down.

    • http://kimanziconstable.com/ kimanzi constable

      Great point Kent, thanks for adding value!

  • http://www.lifeofasteward.com Loren Pinilis

    I think that giving in to the haters is dangerous, but so is concentrating on those who praise you. You’ve got to dig in and do things for the glory of God!

    • http://kimanziconstable.com/ kimanzi constable

      Very, very good point. It’s easy to get a big head and give into pride!

  • http://www.whatdoestonydo.com cheftony

    That is a very valuable post, and as a restaurant owner, I totally can understand the feelings. We can serve 143 people in one night, and one person will write me complaining about a waiter or something, and instantly we are crushed. You know what? WE have to open tomorrow, address the issue and MOVE on. That’s reality. You’ll NEVER keep everyone happy, that’s for sure. It’s not giving up the chase, but as my wise father said “never put your happiness in someone else’s hands.”. Word up Pops. :)

    I’ll keep reading.

    • http://kimanziconstable.com/ kimanzi constable

      This is a great real life example of what I’m talking about! The show must go on, right? Thank you for adding value by sharing your story!!

  • http://www.facebook.com/cjmaster22 Jason Pockrandt

    Thank you for that. As I hear Jon Acuff say nobody throws stones at you if your lying on the ground. Haters come out once you stand tall and proud for a cause.

    • http://kimanziconstable.com/ kimanzi constable

      That is an amazing quote, wow! I’m sharing that one :) Thanks for adding to the conversation Jason!

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