One Thing That Holds Your Dream Back: Dream Jealousy

Posted on March 15th, 2013 by Kimanzi

If you have any siblings then I’m sure you’re very familiar with jealously, right?

imagesGrowing up with two brothers meant everyday was pretty much a competition, from the time we woke up until the time we went to bed! If one of us did something cool or great then the others would go all out to beat it.

I’d like to tell you that once I grew up I matured and got past that childish jealously but the truth is it’s always there in one form or another.

The sad thing is that even with some success I still get jealous and I know that it holds me back from my true potential.

So it’s time for a little honesty, do you struggle with jealously?

Look, I already know the answer and it’s yes because jealously is part of our nature but the thing that I want you to understand from this post is how much it holds you back.

As we make changes in our lives and chase dreams it’s natural to want to measure our progress. In our minds the way we measure this progress is to compare where we’re at to where others who are doing the same things we’re doing are at in their progress.

An example

I know that many who read this blog are building their Platform as writers and speakers and other online endeavors. As you’re checking your progress you might check out other people’s blogs, and social media accounts.

You might check how many comments they have or how many social media shares they get. You might check how many social media friends and followers they have. You look at all these numbers and if they’re more than yours………….. You have to finish that sentence.

Naturally we have what I call “Dream Jealously.” You know what I’m talking about, you see their numbers and feel like you’re not making progress on your dream.

This applies to any dream, not just the online stuff. You work on your dream, you look at others progress and boom!

Open your eyes

Dream jealously is a form of pride. We want to be the center of attention, we want those friends, followers and social media shares.

One of many problems with looking at what other people are doing is that it takes away from your progress and gets you off course. You spend valuable time checking out what others are doing taking away from the time you can use to create amazing things that can help your dreams and other people’s lives.

You risk getting a little depressed which can cause you to put your dream on the back burner, you just won’t feel like working on them.

Have the right focus

My friend Chaka has told me something repeatedly as I’ve chased my dream: “Don’t worry about what anyone else is doing. You just do the best job you can at what you’re doing and they’ll be looking at you.” Tweet please :)

Like I said before, even with some success I still find myself comparing my Platform to other people’s but I’M DONE! With this post I’m vowing to you that I’m only looking at what I’m doing and trying to be the best I can be and help as many people as I can help.

My dream is to help as many people as I can realize and make their dreams a reality, my dream is to start a movement of people who don’t settle. With the responsibilities I have and starting this movement the jealously and comparing has to go, I just don’t have time for it anymore.

How about you?

Comparing yourself to other people can only hold you back from your dream. Are you ready to stop and give your dream and life your full attention? Focus on what you’re doing, focus on making your dream a reality.

Focus on your plan and focus on the steps and the action you’re taking. This is your year to make your dreams a reality, there has never been a better time!

Have you ever compared yourself or your dream to someone else? Do you have any tips to stop?

P.S. A couple of reminders:

These are the last few days to sign up for the launch team of my dream (my first published book). It won’t take much of your time, you’ll get some cools gifts and you’ll get to be a part of an amazing community of people who are making their dreams a reality. Details Here

Second, My friend Jeremy Jones and I are doing a FREE webinar on how to market anything online, this is a marketing 101 class that will give you a few tips and tricks to help your marketing efforts! Hope to see you there! Details Here!

 

 

  • http://www.jmlalonde.com Joe Lalonde

    I’ll go first and be honest. I struggle with jealousy as well. I think, when it comes to jealousy, we’ve got to remember the other person has worked just as hard, if not harder, than you have. You’re also looking at their middle or end when you’re at your beginning. Keep on keeping on and you’ll get there.

    • http://kimanziconstable.com/ kimanzi constable

      That is such a good point Joe and I’m jealous I didn’t include it in the post :) I never thought of it that way. Thanks for adding value buddy!

  • Bernard Haynes

    We can easily get caught up into comparisons. I have been guilty of looking at the numbers someone is getting (comments, likes & tweets) compared to my numbers and it upset me. I received some advice like you received from your friend. He told me to do what you are assigned to do and don’t worry about what others are doing. I like to say, ‘do what you do and everything else will work itself out’.

    • http://kimanziconstable.com/ kimanzi constable

      Amen, let’s work on it together! Thanks for adding value :)

  • http://www.lincolnparks.com/ Lincoln Parks

    We all struggle with this Kimanzi, and I know all too well because I used to before I broke down and finally stopped. You know the saying, it looks like its greener on the other side? Well its actually not and its something we all struggle with. You are so bold to share it with your readers. Thanks for sharing brother.

    • http://kimanziconstable.com/ kimanzi constable

      Thanks brother and you’re absolutely right. We get to that green grass and start looking for more!

  • Dagny

    Unless you can verify the results someone is claiming, there’s no point in being concerned with them. Online especially, people will embellish their claims and no one really has a way of checking. Results have to be verifiable, measurable, and sustainable. Comments are not generally an indicator of any site’s engagement-driven conversion rates so don’t be getting “jealous” over any of that! Research proven strategies and measure your results. Keep doing what works, move on from what doesn’t.

    • http://kimanziconstable.com/ kimanzi constable

      Very true Dagny, great point.

  • http://danblackonleadership.com/ Dan Black

    At times I have been focused on other peoples platforms but overtime have learned it only holds a person back from producing. Because it causes us to focus on the other person when we should be focusing on our art. Great thoughts!

    • http://kimanziconstable.com/ kimanzi constable

      That’s a great point Dan, it just seems so easy to compare, right?

      • http://danblackonleadership.com/ Dan Black

        It sure does.

        • http://kimanziconstable.com/ kimanzi constable

          I thought about this all weekend!

  • http://www.workyouenjoy.com/ Adam Rico

    This is a great post Kimanzi. Not necessarily speaking from experience but they say it’s lonely at the top. So if I were “at the top” (whatever that is) I would value those who honestly and truly are happy for me and walk with me on my journey. So this post was a great reminder to me to be that person instead of the petty jealous person struggling to say congratulations.

    • http://kimanziconstable.com/ kimanzi constable

      That’s a great perspective Adam, it’s cool to get to know you, you have a great perspective on life!

      • http://www.workyouenjoy.com/ Adam Rico

        Thanks Kimanzi. It’s been great to see you achieving your dreams. I love your authenticity and your message.

        • http://kimanziconstable.com/ kimanzi constable

          Thanks buddy!

  • Dave Arnold

    Great thoughts, Kimanzi. Honestly, especially when I first launched out, I really compared myself and beat myself up for not starting my Platform years ago. But I have been reminded that (a) everyone has a different POV (a unique voice & lens they view life through), and (b) the most important thing is to do what God has called me to do. This helps me when I’m tempted to compare myself with others or utter that dreaded “what if.” Thanks for your inspiration!

    • http://kimanziconstable.com/ kimanzi constable

      That’s the best way to look at it Dave, a way we should all look at it! You’re definitely building that Platform now!

  • http://tcavey.blogspot.com/ TCAvey

    When I first began blogging I couldn’t help but compare myself. Checking my stats wore me out and tore me down.

    God has helped break me from this. I no longer look at my stats, I will go WEEKS without checking them.

    I want to build relationships. I want to help people and that’s more rewarding than stats.

    Now that I don’t look at my stats, it’s easy to be happy for people, to not compare myself to their journey. We each have different roads to travel.

    Great post, we all need this reminder!

    • http://kimanziconstable.com/ kimanzi constable

      Great perspective TC and I feel the same way! You’re doing great things!

      • http://tcavey.blogspot.com/ TCAvey

        Thanks, Kimanzi for being such a great encourager.

        • http://kimanziconstable.com/ kimanzi constable

          You’re welcome :)

  • http://twitter.com/Jeff_Machado Jeff Machado

    Jealousy is something that has basically paralyzed me in the past. And it very much is a pride thing – thinking that I have all this great knowledge and have wonderful skills – why wouldn’t people want to learn from me? But as Joe said, I have the skills but I’m at the beginning in many ways whereas a lot of these people have been pursuing their dream for much longer.

    And I like what TCAvey has said – stop checking stats and just rely on God that He is working everything for His glory. He wants to give me new life but jealousy robs me of my joy and is focused more on the other person than the one who gives and sustains life as we know it.

    • http://kimanziconstable.com/ kimanzi constable

      Thanks for your honesty Jeff, it really helps others! That is great advice from TC, I agree. Thanks for adding value Jeff.

  • http://sparkvoice.wordpress.com/ DS

    A couple of things – first this has been and sometimes still is a struggle for me. I try to remind myself that “Rome wasn’t built in a day.” I have to consistently deliver, and do my best. Over time I will develop an image and brand. Lastly, I have to remember that I believe in serving. If I seek to serve others first, I have a core conviction that everything will work out. If I refer a person to some information, or help another develop a greater outcome than I have – it’s okay, because lives are being positively impacted. I absolutely want to be the best at what I do, but not at the expense of some one else. Collectively excellence among a group will raise the entirety. We all benefit.

    • http://kimanziconstable.com/ kimanzi constable

      Amen DS, such good insight! It’s so easy to get focused on the wrong things and they lead no where. Thanks for adding value!

  • http://www.liveitforward.com/ Kent Julian

    TIPS…(1) Embrace who you are and (2) Be a leader who embraces others success.

    I learned this the hard way early on when I was jealous of co-leader. But thankfully, I did learn it!

    Since then, I’ve been blessed to be a leader who has been able to come into a situation, do the job I was asked to do, and then leave a place better than I found it with a new leader better prepared and positioned to take things to a level I could not. Ironically, this has helped me better embrace who I am and what I am good at as well as embrace others and what they are good at (instead of competing with them).

    What’s interesting is nothing has been better for my reputation and success as a speaker and leader than letting go of jealousy and embrace the success of others. Think about it…the reason we hold onto jealousy is because we want to be success and “the best.” But the exact opposite happens when we hold onto jealousy. We hurt our chances of being successful. It’s only when we let go of jealousy that true success occurs and we end up becoming the best we can be. Counterintuitive, but oh so true!

    • http://kimanziconstable.com/ kimanzi constable

      Such great points Kent and you’re living it brother!

  • http://www.lifeofasteward.com Loren Pinilis

    I think jealousy is just second nature to us. After all, that was why Cain killed Abel. As I’ve thought about it, I think there’s a right way and a wrong way to deal with it. Some people approach it incorrectly – basically by saying that they may not be on top now but they will be later. That’s a recipe for disaster because there’s always someone richer, more famous, stronger, smarter, or better looking than you.
    The better way is to find our value in Christ and to get to the point where we stop comparing ourselves to others at all. Then we can experience the joy of building each others up.

    • http://kimanziconstable.com/ kimanzi constable

      Wow, such a great point and the best way to look at it! And let me add, Amen!