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Life is busy. Most of the time, it feels like we could use an extra two hours each day to get everything done. During the chaos of life, different areas of our life suffer. One of the major ones ends up being our sex life.
I know this all too well. For 12 years, I worked a horrible job 60 hours a week. Every day on this job it felt like I was dying inside. The job was also very physical. At the end of the day, I wasn’t thinking about sex. I would have gladly traded that pleasure for a hot stone massage.
My wife and I had a ton of sex when we married. We couldn’t keep our hands off each other, and always found a creative place to display our love. There wasn’t a day that went by without us making love at least twice a day.
The hours—and years—on this job wore on me. What once was a thriving sex life, turned into sporadic and painful memories of what we used to experience. My life was out of balance and my relationship suffered.
Each of us has 168 hours each week. Studies tell us that the average workweek is now 47 hours. When you spend that much of your week doing anything, it will have an effect on the other areas of your life. The problem becomes compounded when you’re doing work you dislike.
The stats tell us that 13 percent of us like our work. When you spend day in and day out surviving work, you get depressed and suffer from a lack of motivation. These emotions end up trickling into your relationship and sex life.
There are a lot of things you can do to make time for sex. You could schedule everything out hour-by-hour or plan a time for sex each week. It sounds different, but some of us are wired this way. You also could just make a conscious effort to tell each other a few days ahead of time. And, of course, your animal urges will take over from time-to-time.
The bottom line is we make time for the things that are important to us. Life will always be chaotic, and there will always be a good reason to put off sex, but sex is important to the survival of your relationship.
There will be times when you just have to do it. You may lack energy, but take a cold shower and muster up that last bit of energy you have inside you. Sometimes those end up being incredibly sexy experiences.
Get honest about your work
Life is short. There is no guarantee of a tomorrow. All we have is right now. I realize we have bills to pay, but at what cost? Crappy work affects your life and drains the little bit of time we have on this earth.
The economy and job market are bleak. We’ve seen enough horror stories that scare too many of us into complacency. While we should be grateful for the work that pays the bills, we should never settle.
Our work can affect our sex life and every other area of our life. It’s too hard to leave what happens at work there. We can rationalize it, we try to pretend we’re happy, but the truth has a funny way of rearing its head at the worst moments.
Your work should do more than just give you a check. It should fulfill and challenge you. It should compliment the kind of life you want to live. Your work should fit into your life, not your life into your work. The life part has to come first.
Finding or creating work you love is not easy, but it is possible. It will take time and determination, but it will be worth the struggle. It starts within our mind; so get honest about your work. Figure out what you want from your work, and start formulating a plan to make your dream a reality.
Has your work affected your sex life?
This article originally appeared on The Good Men Project.
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