When you’re younger, there are things that you just don’t understand. When I was younger, my parents were divorced. I was four years old, my little brother was two.
I didn’t know much back then, I just knew my parents weren’t going to be together anymore and we were staying
with my mother.
During those elementary years there was a lot going on, so many new and exciting experiences. As far as my parents, I just didn’t give it much thought. My dad had a rough life, he had some things he had to deal with, so he wasn’t around much and I didn’t really notice.
During all of this my grandfather (dad’s father) and two aunts (dad’s sisters) were around for my brother and I. From time to time my brother and I would go and spend time at my grandfather’s house.
I wish I could go back in time and shake my younger shelf and tell myself how important those times would be to me and my future development.
Sometimes I would get mad at my mom because “there wasn’t much to do there.” I would protest but she was wise and sent us there anyway.
Every time we did go, we had a blast. What my grandfather lacked in toys he made up for in stories. We loved hearing stories from World War 2 and growing up during the depression and everything in between.
For every birthday and special occasion my aunt’s would call and send us a card and my grandfather would send my brother and I a book. Those books were how I developed a love for reading and writing and led to where I am today.
When you’re younger, all you think about is yourself and fun, you don’t think or realize how important some situations are to your life. More than anything I wish I would have told my grandfather thank you.
I wish I would have told him thank you for being there for my brother and I during a difficult and scary transition. Thank you for making the best out of bad situation. Thank you for taking the harder road and being involved in our lives even though our father wasn’t always. Thank you for helping shape us into the men we are today by the example of how he lived his life.
This past Friday night I got the call that my grandfather, who is 87-years-old, was about to have brain surgery. He had fallen and was confused, they rushed him the hospital and when he got there, he started to lose his speech.
They found out that he had a blood clot on the left side of his brain, the side that controls speech and such. He had the surgery and they successfully removed the clots but the doctors told us it’s going to be a marathon.
The doctors say that with his age that it’s going to be harder for him to heal and that he might never be the same. The most heartbreaking part has been seeing someone who has been so strong my entire life hooked up to all the machines that are keeping him alive.
I’ve been praying like crazy for one more chance to just say I love you and thank you. I was too dumb when I was younger to really appreciate the things he did and tell him thank you. Now I can clearly see and desperately want to thank him before it’s too late.
I wish these words could transcend reality and he could hear them in his mind right now but they can’t. I wish I just would have been man enough to say everything that’s been on my heart all these years. We get together and I catch him up on all that I’m doing but I hesitate with digging deeper and talking about the hard stuff.
I have faith and he seems to be getting stronger, so I’m hopefully that I can give him that one last thank you. Please pray with me.
Stop holding it all inside
I’ve said it a lot in the last two years and this week I have really felt it, life is far too short. If you have something that you’ve wanted to say to someone but have held it inside, let it out.
Tell them exactly how you feel, step out of your comfort zone and tell them the things you’re too afraid to admit. We’re not guaranteed anything and you never know how much time you have with someone, so let them know.
Too often we hold back, too often we’re angry or bitter and just let it build up inside. It’s not worth it to hold onto those emotions, they’ll eat you alive. Too often we’re jealous and can’t admit it, I’ve been there.
The sooner you let it all out, the sooner you can move past it and get to a better place. It works the same ways with feelings of gratitude and love.
If you have a “thank you” or an “I love you” that you just have been too shy or scared to say, just get over yourself and say it! Those people need to hear it and you need to get it off your chest.
For this point forward I vow that I won’t hold back anymore, I just can’t. I have faith that my grandfather will get the tubes out and will recognize his family. I have faith that I will be able to tell him thank you and I love you.
Can you think of one person in your life that you have to say something to? Will you have the courage to do it?