An Addiction That Ruined Our Sex Life and Almost Ended Our Marriage

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Let me start off by saying this isn’t going to be an article attacking porn or judging you if you watch porn. I’m simply sharing what happened to me and how it affected our marriage. You have to make the best decisions for you and/or your relationship. My hope is that this article gives you another perspective to think about. What I will ask is that you get honest with yourself. The natural inclination is to get defensive when a subject like this is talked about. Progress and growth happen when we can move past our natural inclinations.

I was 13-years-old the first time I saw porn. There was a kid in our neighborhood that was a little more mature than the rest of us and found his father’s porn collection. This was in the 90’s, so it was VHS videos. We walked into his house to chill after school and got an instant education into sex, nudity, and masturbation. From that day on, I was hooked on porn.

Months later, I got the courage to pay this friend to get me a few of his dad’s VHS’. Every day, I would run home from school and masturbate to porn before my parents got home from work. It was an addiction—that at 13—I didn’t know how to break. It wasn’t long before my mom would help me break it.

Two weeks later, she was putting my laundry in my dresser and found the porn. Her reaction broke my heart and hurt my body. She yelled, hit, and cried. She spanked me for days after she found the porn. After the ordeal, I vowed to never watch porn again—there were too many consequences.

After the porn incident, my parents found a legalistic church and created some strict rules. We (my two brothers and a sister) weren’t allowed to date, we weren’t allowed to listen to secular music, and we didn’t watch TV for years. We lived a sheltered existence. At 17, I rebelled and left home. I was homeless and trying to figure out who I was and what I wanted from life. I got three jobs and at one of them, I met the woman who would become my wife. I got married the day after I turned 18.

Our sex life was HOT. We couldn’t keep our hands off each other. Despite the amazing love and sex, I started a porn collection. This was the 2,000’s, so it was CD’s.

Our sex life started to fade because I was more into the fantasy of what porn portrayed instead of the beautiful woman I could make love to. We started to fight and eventually separated when she saw I was choosing porn over our relationship. I promised to be a better man, but she was tired of only words and no action. Here are four ways porn ruined a beautiful sex life and almost cost me the person I love the most.

Porn cost money I didn’t have. What started as a few videos we watched together spiraled into an out of control travesty. I sat down one time and calculated how much I spent on porn in one year—it was $4,862. Sad, I know. My wife asked that I get rid of the collection. Instead of honoring a fair request on her part, I hid the collection and began masturbating in secret. We were broke and didn’t have money to spend on porn. I was an idiot. (more…)

Don’t Start an Online Business Unless You’re Willing to Run the Gauntlet

11173381_809044875847618_5428736893319789175_n-1There is an audio version below.

The idea of working from home has been exciting entrepreneurs since long before the Internet became what it is today. To be able to work in your PJ’s, while earning a little money, is appealing. Since the boom of the Internet age, this dream is becoming more of a reality for those looking to escape the traditional “work” model.

The stats are staggering and keep increasing. Worldwide, 2.5 billion people log onto the Internet every day. On my last trip to Kenya, it seemed like everyone owned a smartphone. Facebook has 1.4 billion active daily users. There have never been so many potential leads in one place.

Reaching these leads and building a profitable online business is easier dreamed than done. When you log onto any social media network, you’re bombarded with misleading ads. You’re told you can download a cheat sheet some guru uses to make “six-figures” a month. The copy of the ads is doing exactly what they’re designed to do.

If you take a step back, you will realize the only way these gurus are making money is by teaching you how to make money. If someone promises you quick success online, they’re probably trying to make money off of you. There are several good courses and coaches online, but for every good one there’s a scammer. Here are some difficult realities of building an online business.

The numbers don’t translate into income.

I’ve lost count of the number of offers I’ve had from people who want me to hire them to build my social media presence or email list. These days, you can buy numbers to try impressing potential leads. The problem is that numbers don’t lead to engagement, and if there’s no engagement, your income won’t increase.

People buy from someone they know, like and trust. They spend money where they see a community. You can have big numbers, but if your online presence is a ghost town, all you’ve done is feed your ego. Don’t chase numbers. Focus on building a connection and creating a loyal following.

The advertised results are often fudged.

The sad reality of the world of Internet marketing is that there is a lot of lying. The results from sales, promotions and businesses are often inflated to impress leads into doing business with that person/company. These inflated results make it seem easier and more appealing. An entrepreneur who’s building believes these results and spends money on a course/coach that won’t help their progress.

Copying isn’t enough.

It would be great if we could copy someone who’s doing what we want to do. That would be so much easier. The problem is that too many people are copying, which keeps them from standing out. A potential lead will do business with the original, not the clone. (more…)

How to Get Opportunities to Come to You (Part 2)

6825509595_38897f7c6e_zThere is an audio version below.

Welcome back! If you missed part one, go back and get updated. This has been a great year in my business and can be a great year for yours if you go after the bigger opportunities. What I’m talking about is doable; you can use this blueprint to generate income from your dream.

A lot of the frustration happens when you give into the “busy work” instead of building your audience. Social media is not enough or the best way to build an audience. Social media is limited; you have to pay to reach an audience. Also, people don’t come to social media to make business decisions; it’s mostly personal stuff.

Building a blog, growing a podcast, and building your email list are how you create the foundation to generate a full-time income from your dream. Taking that to the next level is getting featured in major media publications—I gave you a strategy for how to do that last post. Mainstream media/large publications/larger podcasts can leapfrog your business and give you the exposure that brings opportunities to you. I got to give a TEDx Talk because the organizers heard me on Smart Passive Income.

How to Leverage Exposure

The one cool thing about large publications is that they constantly re-share content that does well. I have articles from a year ago that get shared every 30 days because they’re popular. My highest shared post has now been shared over 143,000 times.

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I consistently write for five publications. Each week, every one of these publications shares one of my new articles and one older one. My website traffic has been more the first half of this year than all of last year.

Every time your content gets shared again, you receive a new ping of traffic, you get book sales, and you can get new business. This is how my business has grown beyond six figures this year. How can you leverage this? Write articles that get shared. Easier said than done I know, but let me give you a few tips.

Think shorter articles, not longer. On a large publication, articles that are more than 1,000 words don’t get read as much. From what I’ve seen, the sweet spot is 700-900 words. Most sites won’t take articles that are longer than 800 words. Your goal isn’t long form articles; your goal is to give them just enough to want to click back to your website. That’s where you give them the meat and in-depth articles. (more…)

How to Get Opportunities to Come to You (Part 1)

7162324369_3564d1145e_zThere is an audio version below.

I was taught that the first paragraph of an article is the most important—it tells you whether you want to keep reading or click off. I realize the title feels a little “Internet Marketery,” but it’s not going to be. By the way, I made up that word. This series is because of you.

Every day, I get several emails, social media messages, and even phone calls asking about making money from a “Lifestyle business.” You want to know how you can sell books, you want to book paid speaking/consulting, and you want to make enough money to support your family. That’s why I’m writing this series, so stick around.

Last week some cool things happened. I booked two international speaking gigs that paid $5,000 each. I picked up $3,600 in new coaching business, and I sold 176 books. It was a killer week in my business. I don’t tell you this to brag. I believe in transparency and showing you exactly what it takes, and what’s possible. A week like this doesn’t happen every week, but business this year is good.

The cool thing is the event organizer’s found me. The new coaching clients found me. A lot of times you will have to seek out and create opportunities, but there are ways to make them come to you. The way that you can get opportunities to come to you is by getting and scaling exposure. By getting your name and work on the largest podcasts  and websites in the world. You will get noticed and hired.

How Exposure Works 

I remember my first big guest post, it was for one of my heroes, Michael Hyatt. I was so excited that I told everyone. I told all my online friends, and they understood what a huge opportunity it was. I told my mom and brother—who aren’t in the online space—and they had no clue who Michael Hyatt was.

Last year, I had my first article published in the Huffington Post. When I told my mother, she went crazy. She printed the article out; she told all her friends because the Huffington Post is a name almost everyone recognizes. In the online space, we have heroes and places we love and look up to. They don’t, however, translate into the non-online world. They aren’t mainstream and might not be able to help you reach your goals fully. My friends Bernie and Amber say you can get “Internet famous.”

There’s nothing wrong with guest posting for blogs, being a guest on podcasts or using social media to grow your audience. In fact, you should be doing all of those things. However, you should also be going after mainstream exposure. You should be going after traditional media and large name-recognizable publications. The two event organizers found me through an Entrepreneur Magazine article and hired me to speak on what I wrote about. The coaching clients found me through my Fox News article. The book sales came from my Huffington Post article. I think you get what I’m trying to say. (more…)

What’s Worth Your Time?

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I was caught off guard at Podcast Movement when someone asked me who I follow and learn from. I spend so much time teaching my stuff that the question frazzled me. I try to avoid information overload and stick to what will help my next steps. This eliminates following a lot of popular advice.

I do, however, believe in continuing to learn. In fact, I listen to a TON of podcasts each week. I watch videos, and I read a book every other week. The difference between now and back then is I implement what I learn. Implementing is what has gotten me to a place of freedom. Here’s where I learn from.

Blogs

Seth Godin– Come on! Seth’s blog is one of those most of us have been subscribed to for years. I think I’ve been on his list since 2011. His stuff is short, sweet, and relevant.

Skip Prichard– Again, Skip is one whose content I have consumed since I started. His perspective is fresh and always informative. Skip is also a super cool guy.

Steven Pressfield– I’m a writer, so this blog is a must for me. Besides writing advice, Steven is an expert at overcoming self-limiting beliefs.

Zen Habits– Leo’s content is solid. I love how simple and to the point it is.

MindBodyGreen– I write for this site, but I love their content. They cover everything from health to relationships. I can find anything I need on the site.

Entrepreneur Magazine– Again, I write for the site but love the content. I can find everything I need to build my business.

Podcasts

Starve the Doubts– I co-host this show with Jared Easley. Is it humble to mention a podcast I’m on? Not sure, but I recommend you listen because Jared is amazing–I’m just happy to be involved. Jared is one of the co-founders of Podcast Movement–he knows a thing or two about podcasting. (more…)

The Number One Reason Your Dream Isn’t Making Money

19872919511_04b34667ce_zThere is an audio version below. 

One of the biggest frustrations I see every day from dreamers is the lack of money. I see it through social media posts, I see it in the emails that are sent to me, and I heard about it at Podcast Movement last week. Dreamers who work hard every day–who have been working hard for years–yet the income is sporadic or non-existent.

It’s sucks. It makes you angry. It makes you want to quit. It makes some jaded to the point they criticize those who have had a victory in their business. I was guilty of all of the above at several points in my journey to build this business. I was convinced everyone who was making a full-time living online was lying about it.

The truth is: some people are exaggerating, some are outright lying. But, there are many who make a living from their dream. There are people who experience freedom in their work and have online businesses that pay the bills. I am now one of those people. To be fair, I make a full-time income from coaching, consulting with companies, speaking, book sales, classes, and product sales.

If you are one of those people who has been frustrated to the point of disbelief, I want you to know I get it. However, know that with the right focus, you can make your dream a reality. If you are still on the journey, but wondering why you’re not making money, I want to point out what could be the problem.

The number one reason many people aren’t making money from their dream–especially a dream of building an online business–is because they have no audience. 

There is a ton of advice about building an online business. You’re told to connect with influencers, you’re told to figure out SEO, and you’re told to master social media. You’re told a thousand other things to do–it’s like the experts are telling you to throw a dart at the dartboard and hope something sticks.

I bet you could look around the places you hang out online and see someone who’s writing a new book, or creating a new course, or making something new. I bet if you looked closely, you would see some who haven’t sold many of the last thing they created.

Creating the “thing” is the easy part. Marketing the thing and getting people to buy it is where most dreamers lose hope. Authors know this well–look at the stats as to how many books an author will sell. The busy work keeps us from thinking about what’s happening. We think if we have enough busy work, the money will somehow follow. It doesn’t. (more…)

Building a Lifestyle Business

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I’ve got something a little different for you today. Over the last few weeks, I’ve been experimenting with video. I’m an introvert, so recording video is harder for me. I’ve done it and wanted to share a few with you. These videos were shot all over the place!

1. The myth of how success is achieved. 

2. Dreaming and what it takes to move past the dream.

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Why You Should Live Beyond Your Borders

 DSC01525-1This is a guest post by Kallen Diggs. He is a career strategist and author of the international bestseller, Reaching The Finish Line. Since the Great Recession, he has helped over 2,000 people reach the finish line in their careers. You can join Kallen’s insider list to get exclusive content along with a free business guide upon joining at www.reachingthefinishline.com.

Imagine living in a society where political correctness rules behavior. Imagine living in a society where there are only two choices, and all other choices are ignored or ridiculed. Imagine living among a significant majority who are detached from the nature of their humaneness. 

That society is the United States of America. Many people are curious about why some Americans expatriate to other countries. One common reason is that the quality of life is higher at a much lower price. However, that is only one of the many reasons.

I left the U.S. for another reason, a reason that is commonly overlooked by many people. I did not leave the United States because I hated it. After all, it is hard for one to hate a country that is thriving in innovation and entrepreneurship. I left because I am simply tired of it.

There is no such thing as the best country in the world. Some people like to believe that and will even validate reasons why their country is the utopia. The truth is that every country has its challenges. Our definition of the best is what comes closest to our ideal picture of Utopia.

I cannot deny that I enjoy living a higher quality of life for a much lower price. In Mexico, I rent a three-bedroom house for $385 a month (all utilities included). I have recorded a video of it:

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5 Bits of Online Business Advice That Sound Good But Aren’t

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In 2011, after 12 years of work that I hated, I decided to self-publish a book I had been thinking about for a long time. Up to that point, I hadn’t touched computers and knew nothing about Internet marketing. I heard social media was the definitive way to sell books, so I signed up for every social site at the time.

It didn’t play out well. I “promoted” my book multiple times every day on social media, sold five copies in six months and lost more friends than I had sales. Then I turned to Google to figure out how author’s sold books.

My research led me to some popular, but wrong advice. What’s scary is that the advice was passed around as fact. Since I stopped listening to that advice I’ve sold more than 100,000 copies of my two self-published books and built a six-figure a year online business.

1. “Connect with an influencer.”

One of the oldest and most common pieces of advice is to connect with someone at the top of your industry. We’re told to be persistent and find a way to add value to them somehow, which means be willing to give away your value for free to impress them. This advice may have worked at some point but it’s terrible advice today.

Influencers get hundreds of emails and more social media notifications than they can keep up with. When you are persistent, you came off like a spammer or stalker. More than that, we live in a time when we can build our business without the help of an influencer. Stop chasing and spend your time building.

2. “Get website traffic through SEO.”

I listened to a podcast recently from someone I greatly respect. He was asked how to build traffic to a website. His response, “Write long form articles loaded with keywords.” Basically, SEO will bring you traffic. While SEO can bring you traffic over time, it’s not the best way, and it’s not a quick way to build traffic.

The simplest and quickest way to get website traffic is by getting exposure. You can become a guest on a podcast; write guest posts and articles on large websites. Large publications share content, which means your business gets featured in mainstream media. My lastEntrepreneur article was picked up by Yahoo and Fox News and brought thousands of visitors to my website the first day. The traffic continues to come. And, because of the links, I get the SEO juice. It’s a great 20 percent strategy. (more…)

5 Ways to Help Your Kids Imagine Themselves as Entrepreneurs

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I look forward to meeting many of you at Podcast Movement this weekend!

On the Rich Dad Radio show, legendary entrepreneur Robert Kiyosaki said, “The worst thing you can teach your kids is to go to school and get a job.”

I wouldn’t go that far — if one of my kids wants to be a doctor they’ll need college — but as an entrepreneur, I want to teach my kids how a life of freedom leads to happiness. Entrepreneurship is one option to experience that freedom.

Today, the average college graduate will leave school with $33,000 in student loan debt. Of those graduates, only 27 percent will get a job in their major. The days of going to school and getting a great job after you graduate are over.

Student loan debt stays with many of our children for the rest of their life. Entrepreneurship can be one way to avoid that struggle. We can teach our kids how to build a business that either supports them, or generates enough income to pay for their college outright. Here are five ways to teach your children about entrepreneurship.

1. Don’t make allowance contingent on chores.

If you give your children an allowance, do it to teach them how to handle money. Giving it to them for the chores they do teaches them to trade time for dollars. Subconsciously, they’re learning that how much money they earn depends on how many hours they spend at the job. Entrepreneurs don’t buy into that argument, so why teach it to your kids when they’re young and impressionable. Teach them that income results from creating value.

2. Get them involved in your business with little tasks.

There are little tasks you can delegate to your children, pretty much whatever their age. You can have them help you with your equipment or let them write a few lines in an email you’re sending out. When they’re older, you can have them answer email. There are tasks that won’t harm or help your business that your kids can manage. They feel special, even with handling the little tasks.

3. Discuss openly why entrepreneurship is important.

Your message will fall on deaf ears until your kids understand the “why” behind what you do. Teach them that life is short and time is our most precious resource. Teach them it affects every area of their life when they spend 40-plus hours at a job, especially one that doesn’t fulfill them.

Teach them that entrepreneurship can let them live life on their terms while earning money. Teach them that it takes time to grow, but it’s well worth the effort to build something that’s yours. (more…)